Do not be shocked to see such advertisements some day in
news papers
HONEST RECRUITING AGENCY
[GOVT OF BANANA REPUBLIC UNDERTAKING]
CWG House, 2G Road
___________________________________________________________________
It has been reported that political
parties are finding it difficult to get ‘suitable’ candidates for contesting
elections for being elected as Kings of Citizens in this democratic republic.
Agency has been constituted to help mitigate this problem which is directly
affecting democracy and in the larger interest of common citizens.
As a first step, the Agency invites
applications in prescribed form from citizens who are having following
characteristics and qualifications and are keen on contesting elections in next
5 years:
01. They should have family
background for political corruption and at least one of their blood-relatives
should have been prosecuted by higher judiciary for corruption.
02. They should be presently having
minimum 3 criminal cases in Courts for charges of committing high value [above
100 crores] fraud, scam, corruption, rape, loot, murder, [certified copy of
FIR/complaint to be attached with application]
03. They [or their relatives or
close friends] should have at least one case being investigated by prime
investigating agency or anti-corruption department as on date of application.
04. They should be thick skinned
like hippopotamus and should be expert in not adhering to any promise made
orally or in writing.
05. Their net means [legal or
illegal] should not be less than 100 lakhs as on date of application and they
should enclose certificate of means from Corruption Development
Commissioner of Republic.
06. They must not be qualified
beyond graduation level that too by resorting to unfair means in exams.
[affidavit to be attached to this effect].
07. They must be big hearted to
share the loot money with party and other politicians [irrespective of party,
as all politicians are close brothers and sisters] after winning election.
08. They should have expertise in
managing private sector, opposite candidates, govt officers specially election
officers, anti-social elements to their advantage, by what ever fair and unfair
means they deem fit.
09. After winning election, they
should not visit their constituency till next election. [ affidavit required with application]
10. Those on bail for serious
economic offences or white collar crimes will be given weightage in selection.
11 Those who have undergone jail [including
judicial custody] at least for 6 months in last 5 years will get preference. [
Certified documentary proof to be attached].
12. Those holding graduation and
post graduation degree from Institute for Development of Corruption and Scams [deemed
university sponsored by Govt], will get extra 10 marks in scoring chart.
13. They must have perception of
being a goonda and characterless citizen in the constituency. However they
should dress and behave as being most humble, honest, straight forward, patriotic,
pro-poor and law abiding man/woman.
14. He must be successful in
exploiting caste, creed, gender, religion, to his advantage.
15. He should have no respect for
rule of law. His only aim should be power and money at any cost.
Selection will be made on the basis
of scientifically prepared scoring chart [computer generated] and top 100
candidates will be recommended to national parties. Others qualifying 25% marks
and above will be recommended to regional parties. Those scoring less than 25%
marks will not be eligible for contesting elections.
Agency reserves the right to visit
area of the candidates for on the spot verification of facts and sense
perception of common citizens of the area.
Applicants should enclose crossed
demand draft favouring the Agency payable at Coalgategram for Rs.10 lakhs. This
may be treated and accounted as investment to be recovered at least 100000
times after winning elections in less than 3 years, depending upon inherent
capacity to loot the country and common citizens for which they will get license
on winning.
This selection process does not
guarantee that applicants will win the election. Applicants should have guts
and capacity to take risks in lucrative business of politics in this Banana
Republic.
Blank forms can be down loaded from
agency’s website at www.hra.gobr.com with detailed terms and conditions.
Applications with fee and certificates should reach Agency on or before 5.00 PM of 31-12-2012 . Canvassing in all forms is most
welcome.
Director of Recruitment [Politicians]
Cell: 420420420420
____________________________________________________________________
This piece is a work of fiction
intended to bring a smile to your face. It bears no connection to events and
characters in real life.
Authored by J. P. Shah, Junagadh
Gujarat jpshah50@yahoo.co.in 10102012
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